Other Things John McCain Can't Remember

I'm sure you're all well familiar with Senator McCain's unfortunate and moderately hilarious inability to remember the number of houses he owns. While his campaign continues to scramble to respond, Lies and Perfidy (a trustworthy source is ever there was one!) is proud to bring you a list of other things that John McCain's people are going to have to get back to you about.

-Introducing a bill that, among other things, removed the requirement for the American government to purchase Harleys, despite their pleasant roar (infinitely preferable to the ear-splitting shriek of the trance-obsessed German in its natural habitat.)

-Which little lever on the Straight Talk Express controls the Honesty Windshield Wipers, and which one is the Forthrightness Brights. Also, where's the Standing By Your Principles Dashboard Lighter again?

-The one guy who'd make a good VP candidate. You know, the guy. With the hair.

-Jerome Corsi. (Justified: John McCain underwent extensive hypnotherapy in past years to erase from his brain any memory of Jerome Corsi's continued existence. Worth every penny.)

-The good old days when Cindy was a stunning little firecracker with an absurd amount of money, not a, well, you know.

-Which Hyjal boss drops that mainhand sword. Is it Anetheron or Azgalor? Anyway, John's saving his DKP for it, he needs an upgrade.

-A time before peanut butter and jelly sandwi - wait a second, he does remember that!

-The period of time where Rudy was a serious candidate for the presidency. (It was sometime between 9/11 and now.)

-Carol.

-Bands after ABBA. Because, you know, he was a POW. Actual excuse.

-The exact parallel of the hotly contested Texas-California border. Senator McCain is very disappointed in his inability to recall this, blaming his long years out of the military.

And the number one thing John McCain can't remember:

-Senator John McCain, the blunt, outspoken dissenter who bucked the neocon line on short-sighted tax cuts, refused to kowtow to the oppressive social conservatism of a fringe wing of his party's base, and promised to run a (relatively) high-minded campaign and not treat the American people like they were stupid and gullible.

-R